Long time no see! So much has changed since I last posted - I'm now officially an adult (whaaaat), I've moved house (again) and I've graduated from school (finally!). These past two years have been really hard for me, so it's really exciting to begin a new chapter and leave all that behind. I feel like I finished the HSC as a completely different person to who I was when I first started it two years ago. So much has happened since then, and I don't really know who I am or what I want anymore. I remember I used to have such a clear, defined sense of self and style, and I knew exactly who I wanted to become as an adult. Now that I have reached that point in my life when I need to start making those tough decisions, I feel so lost!
That's just one of the reasons this blog has been so neglected for so long now. Although my blog has been through many changes as I've grown from a craft-loving girl to a fashion-obsessed teen, I had never reached a point where I didn't have anything at all to share - up until recently. Everything felt so fake and scripted, even when I didn't want it to appear that way. It's hard because I want to be as honest as I can with you guys, and I want this blog to be authentic, but that would mean sharing parts of my life that I don't feel comfortable talking about on the internet. Sharing outfit posts became a chore I dreaded and not a creative outlet, and I hated trying to appear cheerful when I felt so sad inside. Because who wants to continually hear about how sad someone is? That isn't entertaining, but it's real and it's how I felt for a long time.
Although I still have bad days, I am thankfully starting to feel motivated again. The moment the exam supervisor said "pens down" last week after my last high school exam ever, I felt so incredibly happy I didn't know whether I wanted to cheer or cry. I have such amazing friends at school and did have a lot of fun in my classes, but it wasn't always that way. Knowing I had finally finished something that has caused me so much pain over the years made me so, so happy. I still can't believe it.
Now that I don't have the pressure of studying things I hate looming over my head constantly, I am beginning to feel inspired to create and dream like I used to. Some of my friends and I are heading off to New Zealand this week for a graduation trip and I am so excited. I know that this trip will provide me with much-needed perspective and I'll come home feeling better than I have in a long time. I'm already getting excited about future creative projects, like a fantasy novel I have been wanting to write for the longest time. Who knows what other ideas I'll have by the time I get home!
I don't know for sure the direction this blog is going to go in, but for now, I'm planning on using it as a place to share my writing and ramblings, experiment with new ideas and interests, and document my life as I rediscover my style and purpose. xx